) I wrote it about twoyears ago, and going to the commentary makes me realize how much of aprissy fuck I really was.The comments pretty much boiled d...wn to:* I appreciate the points you made about the quality of writing "But your intro really sets you up for failure."It did. My syntax was terrible, the dialog was flat and so on and so-forth (my main character had three different names.)* There was one in particular by a "Vickie" that hit the nail on the head. The nicest part: "You're so. No....no I don’t have anything to declare,” he replied, taking the line of least resistance, “but I would really to get through to the toilet if you don’t mind!” The second girl pushed herself from the wall and walked past Jack pressing her body against him as she passed and she took her place behind him. His cock twitched again as he felt her breasts press against him, and he could feel his erection stiffen within the confines of his boxer shorts despite his efforts to resist. He coughed. As we are living in Tirupati there are many relatives coming to our house when they come to visit Tirumala.Once my mother’s old friend Padma aunty came to visit Tirumala and came to our house. Padma aunty was 42 years of age whose husband died and has only one son. She came here alone and had visited the temple. As my mother is her friend she wanted to stay for 2 days due to some work. Padma aunty is average in color and looks very busty. After seeing her in nighty I went to the bathroom and. It's your Ray. The lucky bastard. Haha'His gaze never moved, nor her position change. He drank in the view of the cutest cunt he'd seen in forty years and would have given five years of his life to attach his tongue to that sweet honeypot. He was mesmerised by the piece of metal, lodged in her clit, and wondered what it would be like to have it in his mouth. His reverie was interrupted when she turned to the bar and ordered drinks for both of them. Her legs closed, and the sight, he had.
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