Various Position

I continued the dream with the guard in the fantasy falling in love with me, sneaking me out, and raising a family with me. Then abruptly my journal e...try switches to addressing God. I beg his forgiveness for my sinful thoughts.Lord, why do you torture me—I ask in the lord’s prayer ‘and deliver us not into temptation, deliver us from evil’ it says plainly. Why do I enjoy these dreams?In my little red journal I wrote a lot about sex, a lot about God, and very little about my real life. Real. She didn't want to take any drugs for the depression that came upon her, it being no surprise to either of us. She did meet with a therapist for a while, and that helped. In any event, we were both scarred by our loss.We had a few desultory talks about adoption—in vitro fertilization was also a no-no. I don't think either of us was ready to consider it seriously. That became even clearer when we moved to Austin. We both wound up so busy that we wouldn't have been able to give a child the time. And she watched him too, occasionally touching his arm across the table, as if by accident, but really to convince herself that he was not some cruel apparition that her loneliness had summoned from the past.Almost as soon as he had finished, he fell asleep by the fire, lulled by the journey, the warmth and the beer.When he awoke, Larissa was beside him. She had changed into her grandmother's dress. Nathan admired her slim forearms and calves, browned by the long summer days working the fields,. His large hand gropes and cups them one after the other before he moves it up to my throat and clenches tightly. “If you don’t stop your whining I have a few things in this office that will do it for you” he barks down at me. My heart is pounding with a mixture of fear, excitement, humiliation and arousal. I reluctantly give up my protests in fear of what he may do to me, tears forming in my eyes at my feeling of helplessness. He lets go of my throat and I gasp refilling my lungs with air. He.
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