About two months into the initial phase of my illness is when I realized how fucked I truly was. At that point, they hadn’t found a reliable way for...me to speak on a regular basis yet. I couldn’t work. Couldn’t pay enough attention to watch TV. Couldn’t write fiction. It was then I started thinking about suicide. You start asking questions. Just how bad am I willing to let it get before I say fuck it? What will living as a cripple cost my family vs living without me? Will my wife love me?I. “I—I don’t know what to say, but I’ll go with you. We can confront her. Maybe if I’m there she’ll panic and give you the pictures back.”“I appreciate it, Ben, but I don’t think she’ll back off. I’ve got to see this through. Maybe what she wants is doable, you know? Maybe she wants me to be more of a friend or something.”“Sis, you know I’m here for you. Just say the word.”“I appreciate that, Ben. And I appreciate the fact that you didn’t berate me for the stupid thing I did in send those fucking. I could see clearly that he liked to exercise and possibly play football.I was on a treadmill near the mens changing room as he approached.He notices me immediately and gives me a real manly nod of the head lol.I gave him a little wave and a big smile.He went into changing rooms, so I went to the ladies to freshen up.As I came back out of changing rooms, I had to then pass him on an exercise bike.He wasted no time in saying "are you following me" starting conversation.I laughed and said it's. .just to get away. Even as mad as I was because he didn't want to stay here and give me what I wanted, I reluctantly agreed to go, threw on my shoes fixed my hair and got in his car. Once we got there we walked around to some of the spots we use to hang out at and out of the corner of my eye I noticed some guys sitting on the tables, they must have seen me looking and one of the guys called out my name. I looked at Brandon, and saw a twinge of jealousy in his eyes...this gave me great pleasure.
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