I guess it shouldn't really surprise me that living only to be used foryour sexual pleasure for so long has rewired my brain.But still, it's unsettlin... to come face to face with the truth that ihave become the vulnerable little girl that i still so desperatelystruggle to deceive myself into believing i am only pretending to be.* * *In the club, Jane's cellphone picked up the sound of him talking to hisdate, "Like I told you. She's okay with it. She gets that I need to bewith a guy now and then.. I didn't regard them as in any way disqualified from polite society.No. My "problem" with Shirley's being in porno films was a lot more personal than that. I didn't want to compete with the guys who starred in those movies. I'd seen them in action, and I -- quite literally -- didn't "measure up."And even if size doesn't matter (and, like most guys, I secretly figured that it probably really does matter -- and maybe quite a lot) -- even if size didn't matter, there was the whole other problem of. The thunder of my pulse drowns out other sounds as her soft, warm hand rests on my shoulder. I cannot breathe as her silky hair brushes my cheek. She smells... clean. Clean and fresh, with just a hint of lavender and something else... "Very good, Justine!" I can barely hear her whispered compliment over the pounding of my pulse!I sigh with relief and longing as she drifts away, murmuring encouragement to other students as she passes.Why, oh why did I take THIS art class! Even as the thought. ‘Time for your first question,’ said a fourth voice whose accent was most pronounced. I would have no problem recongising this girl again!‘Are you a virgin?’I paused, wondering if I should lie. ‘No’, I answered, the sound of my voice muffled by the material around my head.‘How many boys have you fucked?’‘Two,’ I answered.‘And how many girls?’There was a long pause. I really wanted to lie and impress my captors but I knew that my lack of experience in such matters would not stand up to.
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